


making out in the mouth of the devil

by hi_raeth



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Rey as Kira Ren, Reylo AU Week, ben finds rey in jakku, some of tfa happened, very little of tlj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 04:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15766929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_raeth/pseuds/hi_raeth
Summary: For his first assignment as Snoke’s apprentice, Ben is ordered to retrieve a powerful Force-sensitive child from Jakku named Rey. Together they become the most feared and powerful Force users in the galaxy. Together they learn to hide parts of themselves away from Snoke. Together they find strength and comfort and love – until the day Snoke finds out and tears them apart.But now Snoke is finally dead, Kylo is the new Supreme Leader, and he can’t wait to see Rey again.Enter Kira Ren, summoned to the Supremacy by a suspicious Hux. She’s Snoke’s most prized weapon, she’s pissed that her master is dead, and she has no memory at all of Ben’s love for her.





	making out in the mouth of the devil

**Author's Note:**

> For Reylo AU Week, **Day 3 - Canon Divergence.**
> 
> "come back to me  
> come back with me  
> back to when we were young  
> and making out in the mouth of the devil"  
> \- Mother Mother's _Mouth of the Devil_.

The sleek black transport, a TIE fighter much like his own, boards the Supremacy just a day after he declares himself the new Supreme Leader.

Kylo chokes on a lump in his throat, thinks maybe his heart has dislodged itself at the sight. Because there’s only one other Silencer in the entire galaxy, only two of these customized ships he’d overseen the creation of, and there can only be one person flying that ship.

“I thought she might be interested in an audience with you, given… recent events,” Hux says from where he stands next to Kylo, eyes fixed on the same ship. His lips curl into something between a sneer and a smirk, a look only the insufferable General could be capable of. _We have a guest,_ the kriffing piece of work had claimed when he barged into a meeting and insisted that the Supreme Leader had an urgent matter to attend to. A _guest_ , as if she hadn’t grown up on this very flagship with them, as if the Supremacy hadn’t been her home up until two years ago.

She emerges from the ship, and while some part of him notes Hux moving forward to greet her, Kylo himself is rooted to the spot, incapacitated by his first glimpse of her since the worst day of his life. In his mind he pushes Hux aside, runs to her and picks her up in his arms, kisses her in front of the whole damn ship because there’s no one to stop them now, no one to fear, Snoke is dead and he’s Supreme Leader and finally, _finally_ there’s nothing standing in their way–

In reality the blood in his veins turns to ice when her eyes perform a cursory sweep of her surroundings and she fixes him with a hateful glare the likes of which he’s never been on the receiving end of. Dread gnaws at him, Snoke’s last words taking on new meaning as she continues to glare at him until Hux steps forward and pulls her attention away.

“Welcome back, Lady Ren,” Hux simpers as he moves to take her hand, only for her to brush past him and leave the general rushing to catch up.

“Make sure that my things are moved to my old room,” she commands without so much as a look back at Hux. “And _no one_ is to touch my ship.”

Her eyes snap back to him then, and Kylo finally regains control of himself, steps forward to greet her as she makes her way towards him, sure strides with her head held high and her shoulders straight, every inch the intimidating Knight the whole galaxy warns each other about in hushed whispers.

He can’t wait until they’re out of sight, just the two of them, when she’ll let the tension drain out of her shoulders and look at him with an uncharacteristic softness in her eyes, maybe even tears, Force knows he’ll probably shed a few of his own, it’s been so long–

“Kylo,” she says curtly as they meet each other in the middle. Up close, the passage of time is undeniable: her face has lost what little roundness it had before, her bone structure is more prominent than it had been, and her eyes… her eyes have that look to them that he sees in his own reflection every morning, a look that speaks of things he’d spent the better part of a decade trying to shield her from.

Painfully aware of Hux hovering just a few feet behind her and the rest of the ship watching, Kylo offers her a mere nod. “Kira.”

It’s not a name that comes naturally to him, not the one he’s spent the past two years whispering in his mind, but it’ll have to do for now. “We must speak,” she declares, and doesn’t wait for a reply before she’s stalking away and into the bowels of the ship.

Kylo wastes no time in following her, allows himself to be yanked into the first empty room they stumble upon – an interrogation room with a locking door and thick walls, coincidentally.

“Rey,” he breathes as soon as the door is secured behind them, lunges forward to take her face in his hands and kiss her for the first time in two years. “Stars, I’ve missed you so much–”

She sends him flying through the air before he can get within two feet of her, his back colliding painfully with a wall of instruments. “Murderous snake!” Rey snarls, her outstretched hand squeezing his windpipe from across the room. “Our master? How could you? _How could you!_ ” Her fingers curl into a tight fist, and he nearly blacks out before he can summon the willpower to fight against her chokehold.

“What–” Kylo sputters as he staggers to his feet. “What are you talking about? Rey, don’t you see–”

“Stop calling me that!” she growls, brushing aside her cloak to reach for the saber at her hip. “I’ve had enough of your manipulations to last me a lifetime, Kylo Ren!”

Her familiar purple saber comes to life with a hum, and he watches in a dreamlike-haze as Rey comes closer, charges at him with every intention of–

“What are you _talking_ about?” he grunts, his own saber crackling to life just in time to lock with hers. “Rey, I don’t understand–”

“Did you think I would forget?” she seethes, stepping back with a frustrated cry to disengage from him. “Did you really think two years would be enough for me to move past _a decade_ of your treachery? And now this!” Rey adds before he can ask her what the hell she’s talking about. “I should have known this day would come. Our own master, Kylo! Are you really so much of a monster that you would kill the man who rescued us, who made us everything we are?”

When she charges at him again, he’s prepared to parry her blows. Fighting against each other is a pointless exercise when he’s the one who taught her everything she knows, and there’s only so much space for her to back away in this cramped room. Before long, her back lands against the wall with a thud and their blades screech as he knocks her saber to the ground.

“I killed the man who tore us apart, the man who took you away from me!” Kylo reminds her, his saber just close enough to her throat to keep her still. He searches her eyes for recognition, for understanding, for _anything_ other than the blazing hatred he can’t make sense of.

Rey lets loose another frustrated cry as she calls his bluff, shoves at him knowing that he won’t actually hurt her and ducks under his arm to stomp across the room. At the door, she calls her saber to her side and extinguishes it.

“You can stop lying now,” she tells him coldly, her eyes suspiciously bright as her hand hits the control pad for the locks. “The pathetic, weak, _stupid_ girl who thought you loved her – she’s long gone. And know this, Kylo Ren: I won’t fall for your tricks ever again.”

She sweeps out of the room, her cloak swirling behind her in a flurry of black wool and blood-red lining. In her absence there is only the crackle of his saber and his own harsh, winded pants as he slides down to the ground and tries to make sense of the past twenty minutes.

“Rey,” he murmurs, bits and pieces slowly falling into place in his mind. “What did he _do_ to you?”

 

* * *

 

_It’s strange, being back on the Supremacy after a year on the Finalizer._

_“Home sweet home,” Rey mutters in the elevator, and he reaches out to squeeze her hand just once. He wishes they didn’t have their gloves on – skin-on-skin contact is the only way to really calm her down – but then again, he wishes a lot of things._

_Rey turns to offer him a tight smile anyway, despite the nerves bleeding into their connection. He wants to tell her to breathe, to calm down, to center herself before Snoke can get suspicious, but the doors slide open before he can do so and suddenly they’re out of time._

_“My children,” their master’s voice rings out across his cavernous throne room, far more unsettling than Ben remembers it being. A year of communicating via holo had dulled the edges of Snoke’s malicious presence, but now it’s returned to hit the both of them in full force. “Come, come forward. We have much to discuss.”_

_Rey shuffles forward on reluctant feet; Ben positions himself in front of her to keep Snoke from noticing. “Master,” he intones when they reach the center of the room, dropping to one knee._

_Beside him, but a safe distance away, Rey does the same._

_“Look at you,” Snoke rasps in that paper-thin voice he’s known ever since he was a child. “My children, so strong, so loyal, so obedient… so,_ so _foolish.”_

_He tenses at the abrupt shift in Snoke’s voice, how it’s suddenly grown cold and sharp. Panic floods their bond; Rey knows as well as he does that this sudden shift never means anything good._

_Ben sends her a wave of reassurance as he raises his head to look at Snoke. “Master, I don’t–”_

_“Silence!” Snoke’s voice echoes off the red walls. “I will not have you lie to me, Kylo Ren. Not any more than you already have.” He pushes himself off his throne, rises to his full height to present them with the grotesque sight of his decaying, deformed body. “Did you think you could lie to me? Did you think you could_ hide _from me? I know every corner of your mind, I know every dark thought, every paralyzing fear, every sickly-sweet daydream.”_

_Snoke turns to Rey then, and even with her head bent and her eyes still firmly fixed on the ground, she can feel it. Her breath grows short, her heartrate picks up – he sends wave after wave of calm at her, whispers reassurances into their bond, but all of it is lost on Rey, blinded by her panic._

_“Kira Ren,” Snoke laughs mockingly. “Scourge of the galaxy, destroyer of worlds. I have wondered, my child. Wondered how someone who burns entire villages to the ground and rips minds to shreds could be so soft, so_ weak _at the very heart of you. I suppose now we know.”_

 _“You have always been weak! How many fires has Kylo set for you, how many innocents has he tormented in your name, all to keep me from realizing how_ sentimental _you are?”_

_“Master, please–” Rey sobs, her entire form trembling in fear and shame._

_“And now this!” Their master shoves an image into their mind with barely any effort, rips through their carefully constructed barriers to slap them with a vision straight out of Rey’s dreams: the two of them on a quiet, peaceful planet somewhere, no Snoke or First Order or Knights of Ren here, just Rey and Ben and their child between them, Ben’s hand on her stomach while the baby kicks–_

_“Pathetic,” Snoke scoffs. “What a disappointment you turned out to be, the both of you.”_

_“It’s not her fault,” Ben says, scrambles to his feet to position himself between Rey and their master. “I’m the one to blame, Kira only went along with–”_

_Snoke waves, sends him skittering across the floor. “Save your breath, my child. You embarrass yourself by even_ trying _to lie to me.”_

_“What…” Rey whispers from her spot on the ground, finally daring to lift her eyes up to meet Snoke. “What are you going to do to us?”_

_A smile stretches across his face, and it strikes fear into their hearts. “Oh, my dear, sweet_ Rey _: nothing, my child, nothing at all. But perhaps the better question would have been, what are you two going to do to_ each other _?”_

_They fight against it, they really do._

_But when Snoke locks them into place in front of each other, Ben’s saber at her throat and Rey’s at his heart, and tells them to either fight each other of their own will or kill each other under his will, there is no other choice._

_The battle goes on for what feels like an eternity, the two of them reluctantly circling each other before Snoke warns them to get on with it. Their blades come into contact again and again but neither of them land any blows, and out of the corner of his eye Ben can see Snoke getting impatient, bored, lightning crackling threateningly at his fingertips–_

_He slows down by two seconds, feigns to the left as expected but doesn’t correct himself when Rey swings her blade, and allows the blow to connect._

_The pain knocks him off his feet; Rey’s cry of horror tears at his heart while Snoke hisses in satisfaction._

_“Ben!” Rey screams, throwing her lightsaber aside as she falls to her knees and gathers him in her arms. “Ben, why?”_

_His right eye won’t open, or maybe he just can’t see out of it anymore; it’s hard to tell when he can still hear the sound of his flesh sizzling against the saber, when he can clearly feel where the fabric of his shirt has melted into his skin. “I don’t know what he’ll do to the loser,” he whispers as Rey pushes his hair out of his face, “but I couldn’t let it be you.”_

_Rey lowers her forehead to his, careful to avoid his open wound. “I love you,” she sobs against his lips. “No matter what happens after this, I love you, I’ll always love you–”_

_She shrieks when two medics pull Ben away, a whole team of them appearing out of nowhere. Of course Snoke had no intention of losing either of his apprentices; death was never a possible outcome, but Ben knows their master is capable of a fate even worse than that and whatever it is, he cannot,_ will _not let Rey suffer through it._

 _Through the bond he sends her what little peace he can muster, draws it from the knowledge that he’ll bear the brunt of Snoke’s ire and she’s safe for now._ I love you _, Ben reminds her as the medics roughly drag him away._

_“Kira,” he hears Snoke call out, sees her slowly turning around to face their master. “My child,” Snoke intones warmly, “my greatest triumph, my most dangerous weapon-”_

_They drag him into the elevator. The last he ever sees of Rey is her back turned to him, her shoulders slumped in defeat and heartache._

_  
_

* * *

 

The next morning, Hux decides to review some surveillance footage.

“I thought Lady Ren could get some closure by witnessing her master’s last moments,” he says neutrally when Kylo comes storming into the room, having only found out about this when he asked a passing trooper about Rey’s whereabouts.

Rey stands in the center of the room, her eyes trained on the screen. They’ve paused on him entering Snoke’s throne room, just seconds before the conversation begins.

Not that anyone other than him will ever get to hear it; Snoke was ridiculously paranoid about this one specific thing, and never allowed any audio recording equipment in his rooms. The holo is entirely visual-only, which is why he doesn’t move to override her when Rey turns to the officer manning the controls and orders him to proceed.

Kylo can feel Hux’s accusing glare on him as the recording plays, but he’s too busy reliving the moment to bristle at the General’s continued suspicion.

It was Hux’s fault he was even in Snoke’s throne room to begin with – the rat had somehow found out that he’d chosen to spare Han Solo on Starkiller Base, to let his father get away instead of killing him the way Snoke had commanded him to. Hux wasted no time in reporting this back to Snoke, who demanded a meeting with Kylo the second he boarded the Supremacy.

Without audio, there’s no telling that Snoke was berating him for his weakness. _Perhaps I was wrong to send Kira Ren away. You,_ Ben Solo _, you were the sentimental one all along._

It was the first time his master had mentioned Rey since that awful day, and Kylo couldn’t help himself. He lunged forward, demanded to know where Rey was and what Snoke had done with her. Snoke threw his head back and laughed, reaffirmed that Kylo really was the weak one after all. _Kira will be pleased to return, I think._ _Even more so when she learns that she will be replacing you._

Throughout their time apart, the only measure of solace Kylo had found had been in the knowledge that Rey was far away from Snoke, away from any hurt he could inflict upon her. The thought of her coming back, of her taking his place and kneeling before Snoke every day, carrying out his twisted orders, bearing his rage and torment when he’s disappointed… that was what had compelled him to draw his saber against his master.

Rey and Hux aren’t privy to that, of course. All they see is Snoke mocking him, and then Kylo’s saber crackling to life. Snoke only laughed harder then, telling him he wouldn’t dare, egging him on.

 _Do it, Kylo Ren! Be the Sith your grandfather never became, kill your master and take your rightful place. Do it, you_ coward _!_

One minute Snoke was laughing and snarling like a crazed beast; the next he had Kylo’s saber firmly embedded in his heart.

Rey gasps when Snoke falls forward, further impaling himself on the saber. Hux plasters on a mask of shock and horror, but Kylo knows there isn’t even a single shred of grief in him, that all he’s thinking about is turning Rey against Kylo so that he’ll have an ally when he finally stages his coup.

On screen, Kylo stumbled forward, pulled his blade out of his master’s chest. Blood came gushing out, staining Snoke’s robe as he turned his head towards Kylo. _This is far from over_. _You and I will meet again soon, my apprentice, when your_ beloved _sends you to me for what you’ve done._

Kylo had been confused, had reached out to yank Snoke up by his collar with a demand to know what he was talking about.

 _Let me show you,_ Snoke had laughed cruelly even as the life drained from him, _just how_ weak _love makes a man._

His last words hadn’t made sense then. They do now.

“He was proud of me,” Kylo lies when Rey and Hux turn accusing eyes on him. “Surprised, but proud. He said he never thought I had it in me, to carry on the Sith tradition.”

Hux looks genuinely confused. “The Sith tradition?”

Of course he wouldn’t know; terrified of the Force as he is, Hux has gone out of his way to avoid any and all encounters with or knowledge about it.

“The Rule of Two,” Rey says dismissively as she takes deliberate, measured steps towards Kylo. “But Snoke wasn’t a Sith lord, and neither of us are Sith,” she says quietly, for their ears only. “He would _never_ have agreed to this.”

To the rest of the room she says, “Destroy the recording. It upsets me, and I have no wish to stumble upon it ever again.”

Hux springs into action, halting the officer with a frantic gesture to pause. “Wait, my Lady, what about–”

“You saw it as clearly as I did, General: Lord Snoke intended for this to happen,” Rey shrugs. “He seemed pleased that it had. I do not see evidence of any of your claims,” she adds coldly. “This has been a waste of my time.”

“But… but-!” Hux sputters as Rey makes to leave the room.

“A word,” she snaps at Kylo as she brushes past, and he follows her out into the hallway expecting a repeat of yesterday’s fight.  She must have her reasons as to why she protected him from Hux, but there’s no way Rey – _this_ Rey, Kira Ren through and through – will let him get away with it.

Rey stops right outside the door, showing no signs of anger. “Did you know,” she begins almost conversationally, “that I’ve picked up lip reading?”

Kylo’s ears start to ring.

“Snoke was the one who revealed your tricks to me, the one who told me that you were just using me all along,” Rey continues, leaning against the wall opposite him with her arms crossed. Her brows knit together in thought, perhaps confusion, as she asks, “So what was all of that?”

 _That was the truth,_ he wants to scream. “Rey, I–”

She shakes her head, pushes herself off the wall. “No. Don’t. I don’t want to hear it. Not yet, anyway,” she adds hesitantly. “I just wanted to let you know that I intend to stay for the foreseeable future. I am the Supreme Leader’s to command, and until you find need of me I will remain here.”

He’ll never give her another mission again if that’s what it takes to keep her onboard. “Okay,” Kylo croaks, like the broken-voiced adolescent he hasn’t been in years.

“Okay,” Rey echoes with a final nod, and walks away.

 

* * *

 

_He’s only been training under Snoke for a standard month when he’s sent to retrieve Rey from Jakku, but he’s learned more than enough in that short month to pass several important lessons on to her._

_“Hold on to your name,” he tells her the day Snoke assigns her a new one. “Hide it deep down and never use it, but don’t let go of it. Don’t let go of yourself. Build a new self over the old one, but never forget what brought you here.”_

_“Clear your mind,” he teaches her when she asks him how to hide things. “Isolate it, put a hundred obstacles between it and him, but make them small, subtle, tiring to navigate. A wall can be torn down, but a maze… a maze is trickier.”_

_“Don’t let him destroy you,” he murmurs into her hair, holding her close and rocking her gently after the first time Snoke barges into her mind and points out all of her weaknesses. “Be strong, and hard, and cold, but never forget that being kind and soft and warm isn’t weakness, it’s what makes you_ you _.”_

_It’s selfish, maybe, to tell her to cling on to all the things that’ll make her transition harder, but the plain fact is that he can’t bear to see her lose everything that makes Rey uniquely Rey, can’t bear to lose the kindness and warmth she shows him._

_“You too,” Rey sniffs even as she looks up at him defiantly, determination blazing in this tiny twelve-year-old even as she clings to him for comfort like the child that she is. “You need to stay_ you _. Don’t let him take you away from me, Ben. You’re all I’ve got.”_

 _So together they learn how to walk the line, how to be both Kylo and Ben, Kira and Rey, how to give Snoke what he thinks he wants without showing their master all that hides at the center of his maze or beyond the seemingly-endless ocean of her mind. Together they stay_ them _, and he gets to watch Rey grow up with all the softest parts of her intact, with all of her secrets safely hidden away._

_So safely hidden away, so well protected, that even he doesn’t know any of them until the day she throws herself at him, newly seventeen and never kissed and so, so desperate to make the most of what little privacy they have on their first official mission together, far from Snoke’s watchful eyes._

_“I love you,” Rey murmurs against his lips, climbing into his lap and twisting her fingers into his hair. “Ben, I love you so much, I thought I could hide it but–”_

_He gently pulls her off his lap, presses a soft kiss to her forehead, and promptly runs back to their ship where he locks himself inside his quarters for the rest of the day._

_“Ben,” Rey knocks hesitantly at his door a few hours later. “Ben, I’m sorry. I thought you… but it’s okay if you don’t. It was stupid. I’m stupid. Please, can we just forget this and go back to normal?”_

_She moves from pleading to making light of the situation to raging against him for being a child and running away from his problems. Forty-five minutes later her voice has grown hoarse and thick with tears and he can barely make out her whispered, “Please,_ please, _Ben, I can’t lose you, you’re all I have, please–”_

_He opens the door without warning, and she nearly falls over from where she’d been leaning her head against it._

_Rey quickly wipes her tears away and flings her arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, we can pretend it never happened and go back to the way we were, I’ll never say anything again–”_

_“You’re a child,” Ben whispers brokenly into her hair. “You’re a_ child _and I’m a fucking monster for this.”_

 _“Am_ not _,” Rey mutters, stepping back to shove at his chest. “I’m_ seventeen _, and you’re only twenty-two, and I know I was just an annoying little kid when we met but… I’ve changed, right?” she asks quietly, her hand curling into the fabric of his shirt. “So why can’t we?”_

_The young woman standing before him doesn’t look anything like the child he rescued from the desert. And therein lies the problem, really._

_When Rey was tiny and weak and scared, it was easy to protect her, natural even. He simply did for her what no one had ever done for him, what he’d always wished his parents had done. When she grew taller and stronger and more confident of herself he was proud, and he told himself it was the kind of pride family felt for one another, the kind of pride he’d always hoped to inspire in his own kin. But then Rey grew beautiful and brilliant and began to hold her own against him, and it became clear that she no longer needed his protection, that she wasn’t that tiny little kid anymore._

_And suddenly, as if that realization had shattered a dam Ben never even knew about, everything was different. Teasing looks became heated glances, playful interactions gave way to charged moments, and now here they are, Rey’s hand over his heart and her heart in his hands._

_“Ben?” she whispers, eyes wide and lower lip caught between her teeth and–_

_“Force help me,” he mutters before he pulls her close and curls one finger under her chin to tip her face up, meeting her halfway for a kiss. “Force help me, but I love you too.”_

_It’s the first of many stolen moments, far and few in between for the next two years until the day Snoke announces that Kylo is ready to be stationed at a flagship of his own and Kira will be allowed to go along as part of her training._

_They’re still so, so careful, but there are nights when they risk sleeping in the same bed. On one such night, Rey curls into his side and says, “If I only get one good thing in this life, if I only get one thing to call my own in this whole galaxy, I want it to be you.”_

_“I’m already yours, sweetheart,” Ben tells her, pulls her closer and kisses her like it’s the last time._

_It is._

_  
_

* * *

_  
_

They start sparring together.

There’s surprisingly little to do as Supreme Leader, and even less as a Knight with no mission. At first they try to keep their distance, to make sure they never head to the training room at the same time. Then they start going at the same time but separately, backs turned to each other with half the room between them.

Then Rey shows up just as he’s practicing with his saber, deftly twirling the hilt in one hand, and her little scoff draws his attention. “Show-off,” she accuses, lingering in the center of the room when usually she’d immediately head over to her side without so much as a hello.

“I’d like to see you do better,” Kylo retorts, and suddenly it becomes a daily routine for the two of them, an almost-playful dance between two adversaries who know they’ll never catch each other, who know that’s not the point at all.

It’s almost like old times, when he taught her how to fight in this exact room, and sometimes Kylo just can’t help it, sometimes he looks at her from across the room while they’re cooling down and wishes things were different.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Rey growls on a particularly noteworthy day, having disarmed him four times and pinned him down twice.

“Like what?” Kylo asks innocently, leaning against the wall.

“Like you… like we… I don’t know, just stop!” she demands, throwing her bottle at his head. It sails across the room in a perfect arc, and he ducks just in time. “Stop looking at me like that, stop holding back when we fight, stop treating me like I’m fragile and you don’t want to hurt me!”

“I don’t know how to stop,” Kylo says, dares to move closer; distance isn’t going to stop her if she decides to aim more projectiles at him, anyway. “I don’t know how to stop loving you,” he admits, eyes intent on Rey as he steps into her half of the room.

Rey summons her saber and lights it up. “Stop _lying_!” she screams as she charges at him. “It was all just a trick to make me weak. You never loved me, you led me on like a fool and made me love you but you never loved me back!”

“Of course I loved you back!” Kylo insists as his own saber comes to life, and it’s barely a moment’s work to disarm Rey, her eyes swimming with tears and her movements clumsy with emotion. She engages him in hand-to-hand, tries to kick his legs out from under him, so Kylo wrestles her to the ground and pins her underneath him instead. “How could you even _think_ that, Rey? Of course I love you, I’ve always loved you. Stars, you’re the only thing in this whole forsaken galaxy that I’ve ever loved.”

He looms over her, hands pinning her arms to the ground and face just a few inches above hers. Rey shakes her head desperately, tears streaming down the side of her face as she struggles underneath him.

If she really wanted to, she could throw him clear across the room with just a thought.

Kylo leans down and presses their foreheads together, calms her down with tiny, soothing noises as he slips into her mind. It’s easy, painless, as familiar to him as his own and as natural as breathing – after all, he was the one who taught her how to hide the island in her mind, how to navigate the ocean around it.

“Shh, just show me, Rey,” he asks gently, and so she does.

She shows him memories of how he started eyeing her predatorily when she was just a child, of how he both thrilled and terrified her in equal measure, of how he made her succumb to him, made her give him _everything_ while he gave her nothing but pretty words and empty promises in return. And then: the day Snoke found out because he was the one to tell their master, because it was a trap all along and he only made her fall for him so that he’d have a weakness to exploit when they dueled each other in order to prove their worth to Snoke. In her mind he is snarling and vicious and out for blood, and it’s only by some unlikely miracle that she finally cuts him down and proves herself to her master.

Rey’s anguish is still fresh even after all these years, and he finds himself crying into her neck as he retreats from her mind. “Rey, no. No no no no no, this isn’t how– I would _never_ – I love you, I’ve always loved you, please remember, please come back to me.”

Her hands slip out of his hold, and seconds later he feels her fingers carding through his hair. “Then prove it,” she whispers, gently guiding him back up to look at her. “Show me the truth. Show me you love me.”

So he does, pressing his forehead to hers once more and telling her to take anything, everything.

Their bond, dormant for two years, begins to stir as Rey hesitantly slips into his memories. It had been forged in a situation much like this one, after all, the two of them inviting each other into their minds to see the dreams they shared, the future they hoped to have.

In his mind Rey finds memories of their earliest days together, how he taught her to keep her thoughts safe and did everything he could to protect her from their master. She discovers that she was the one to kiss him first, that she’s always been the one to lead while he struggled to reconcile their new relationship with the much more innocent one they used to share. She remembers the secret side-trips they would take during missions and the memories they made together, the hopes and dreams they shared with each other late at night, the night she dreamt of their family and Snoke discovered everything.

She relives how he deliberately let her land a hit that day in Snoke’s throne room because he couldn’t stomach the thought of Snoke punishing her, and slowly opens her eyes.

“You kept the scar,” Rey whispers through tears, one hand gently tracing the faded line down his cheek.

“It was the only thing I had to remember you by,” he confesses.

Rey bites her lip to muffle a sob, shakes her head as fresh tears stream down her face. “ _Ben_ ,” she cries, and surges up to kiss him.

 

* * *

 

_He’s fifteen when his parents send him to Luke._

_They’ve spent years arguing over the decision, his father refusing to back down, refusing to let his kid ‘get all tangled up in this mumbo-jumbo’._

_And then Ben gets so angry he causes a mini-tornado inside their house, and the next thing he knows Han is dropping him off on Yavin 4 with a poorly concealed look of fear lurking in his eyes._

_Luke doesn’t fear him, not at first, and that’s a welcome change from how it’s been at home so Ben decides it’s not too bad, being here. But then there are thoughtful looks, moments when Luke considers him with a slight tilt to his head and shadows in his eyes. And then there are concerned looks, when Luke crosses his arms in reproach after an incident and tells him he needs to try harder. And then finally, Luke looks at him with fear in his eyes and stumbles backwards, turns and runs into the forest. It’s almost a relief because it’s been hanging over him for nearly a year now, the knowledge that it’s coming, that one day he’s going to wake up and Luke will have that look in his eyes, the one his mother has always had, the one his father had the last time they were together._

_The day it happens, Ben already has a bag of supplies hidden under his bed and a crappy but working ship hiding in the forest. Luke comes back while he’s packing, an apology dying in his throat as he realizes what Ben is doing._

_“Ben, please, I’m sorry. I saw something from my past and I freaked out, it wasn’t fair of me–”_

_“No, it wasn’t. It’s not fair that you look at me and see a ghost. It’s not fair that my mom looks at me and sees a monster. It’s not fair that my own dad looks at me and sees a stranger.”_

_“You have to understand–”_

_He shoulders his bag and brushes past his uncle. “Goodbye, Luke.”_

_Luke sighs in defeat. “Let me know when you reach home, at least. And tell your mother I’m sorry I failed the both of you.”_

_He doesn’t say a thing, just keeps walking into the forest until he’s in the ancient ship he’s been fixing up whenever he has a spare moment between Padawan chores. When he finally breaks atmo, the coordinates he types in aren’t for any of the planets his family calls home._

_Ben heads right for the darkness, the thing in his head that’s been calling out to him for as long as he can remember, the thing that sent Jedi Master Luke Skywalker running into the forest like a scared child._

_Snoke welcomes him without a moment’s hesitation, looks at him like he’s something to be prized rather than feared. It’s the first time in his life that he hasn’t felt like a burden, a mistake. So when Snoke tells him that there’s another Force-sensitive out there who needs his guidance, another lost kid who’s all alone and scared, he wastes no time in getting on a ship and heading straight for Jakku._

_She’s eleven when he finds her, a tiny little thing fighting off Teedos and slavers with a staff that’s too big for her. He can feel it, though, the way the Force guides her movements, the way it strengthens her limbs. Luke Skywalker would take one look at this girl and see disaster. But Ben and Snoke, they look at the girl and see potential._

_She glares at him when he approaches her, her staff held out threateningly even as her tiny chest rises and falls rapidly as she tries to regain her breath._

_“Do you want to be strong?” Ben asks without preamble._

_The girl looks at him cautiously._

_“Come with me and no one will ever even_ think _of hurting you again,” he promises, getting down on one knee to make himself less intimidating as he offers her his hand. “You’ll never have to be scared again.”_

_“I’m not scared,” the girl scoffs, a defiant tilt to her chin. The accent surprises him; Coruscanti, in this desert hellhole? How in the world did she even get here?_

_He remains on his knee, one hand held out to her. She considers it for a long while, looks up at him and allows her hardened features to melt into something hesitant. “I’m not scared… I’m just lonely.”_

_Ben knows loneliness all too well. “So come with me,” he says, “and you’ll never be lonely again.”_

_The girl lowers her staff. “Promise?”_

_He nods. “Promise.”_

_Staff secured in one loosely curled fist, she surges forward to take his hand. “I’m Rey. Who are you?”_

_The name he_ should _give her is Kylo Ren, the name his master has just bestowed upon him. “I’m Ben,” he says instead, and they walk hand-in-hand to his ship._

_  
_

* * *

_  
_

He wakes up a few hours later to something out of a dream: Rey, wearing only his shirt, sitting on the foot of his bed as she stares out the viewport in his room.

She doesn’t turn around, her eyes still fixed on the stars. “He took you from me,” Rey says quietly. “He took everything that was good and beautiful about us and twisted it. He took our bond and told me it was something dangerous, something I had to lock away. He took our _love_ ,” she chokes, her voice thick with emotion, “and convinced me that it was a weakness, something to be ashamed of, something to hide away.”

Ben crawls over to her and pulls her into his arms. “He’s dead now,” he reassures her, rubbing soothing circles into her back. “He’s gone forever, and we have each other back.”

Rey turns in his arms to look him in the eye. “Let’s burn it to the ground,” she growls. “Everything he stood for, everything he worked so hard to establish – I want to burn all of it to ash.”

“Then we will,” Ben promises her easily, brushing his lips against the bare shoulder exposed by his too-big shirt. “We’ll destroy the First Order and start something new. Anything you want.”

“I just want to be with you,” Rey murmurs, leans in to kiss him soft and slow now that they've got all the time in the world.

It’s a new galaxy, with him at the helm of the First Order and his parents somewhere out there trying to mobilize their forces against a threat that no longer exists. And Rey, Rey is something new too, the woman he’s always loved and the woman he’s always tried to protect her from becoming, the terrifying Kira to his Kylo. There’s a whole new _life_ just waiting for them, so many possibilities and no more obstacles.

Ben disentangles their limbs, slides down to the carpeted ground of his quarters and gets on one knee. Rey stares at him with the stars from the viewport reflected in her eyes, with the stars he’s always glimpsed within her eyes when she looks at him.

“Rule with me,” he whispers, holding out a hand to her the way he first did all those years ago. “Be my Empress. We’ll make something new out of the ashes, we’ll build an Empire, and nothing in this galaxy will ever tear us apart again, no one will ever have the power to come between us.”

The old Rey would’ve said no; the old Rey wanted them to run away, to leave it all behind, to hide in a tiny cottage and live a quiet life and raise their children away from the rest of the galaxy.

Rey takes his hand.

And nothing comes between them ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> I had Big Plans for this AU but then I ran out of time and wrote it at some ungodly hour in the morning while being sleep deprived so here we are. But hey, it's needlessly long as usual so at least I'm on-brand. Also, second flashback fic in a row. What am I doing???
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed at least some part of this hot mess, and please don't hesitate to reach out in the comments!


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